View source for If... (comic)

{{Short description|British political satire comic (1981–2021) by Steve Bell}}
{{italic title}}
{{Primary sources|date=January 2008}}

'''''If...''''' is a political [[comic strip]] which appeared in the United Kingdom newspaper, ''[[The Guardian]]'', written and drawn by [[Steve Bell (cartoonist)|Steve Bell]] from its creation in 1981.<ref name=Guardian>{{cite news | url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/series/if | publisher=www.guardian.co.uk | title=Steve Bell's If ... | access-date=2011-12-14 | date=2008-05-19}}</ref>
<!-- Deleted image removed: [[Image:If strip.png|thumb|right|Sample strip from June [[1987]]. The cast have been forced out of their east London [[squatting|squat]] by the [[yuppification]] of the area, and so ambush [[Downing Street]] so one of the penguins (disguised as a plush toy) can defecate upon [[Margaret Thatcher]]'s head as a protest.]] -->

In July 2020, Bell told the ''[[Press Gazette]]'' that ''If...'' would "probably" be coming to an end in 2021 due to forthcoming budget cuts at ''The Guardian''.<ref>{{Cite web
|url=https://www.pressgazette.co.uk/steve-bell-leaves-the-guardian/
|title=Steve Bell leaves The Guardian 
|date=24 July 2020
|publisher=Press Gazette
|access-date=2 August 2020
}}</ref> The final ''If...'' strip was published on 29 April 2021.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://pressgazette.co.uk/guardian-steve-bell-cartoon-if/|title=Steve Bell's If… ends after 40 years at Guardian: 'My stuff is probably too vulgar for the current regime'|author=Tobitt, Charlotte|website=Press Gazette|date=26 April 2021|access-date=4 May 2021}}</ref>

==Style==
''If...'' is a sharp and cynical satirisation of [[United Kingdom|British]] [[politics]] and [[current affairs (news format)|current affairs]] from a [[left-wing]] perspective, named after the famous [[Rudyard Kipling]] [[If—|poem]].<ref name=Guardian/>  Suiting both Bell's anarchic artistic style and the paper's political stance, it consisted of a short (usually three-panel) daily episode in each Monday to Thursday edition of the paper, with subjects usually covered in these four-day-long segments. ''If...'' occasionally utilises wordplay and coarse humour – Bell is fond of using the [[pejorative]] [[United Kingdom|British]] word "[[wanker]]" and its [[euphemism|euphemistic]] variants, for example. With ''The Guardian''{{'}}s move to new presses, ''If...'' started to appear in full colour in September 2005.
Initially, the title was reflected in the concept, with each week presenting a separate stand-alone story such as "If... Dinosaurs roamed Fleet Street", or "If [[The Bash Street Kids]] ran the country". This shifted into a different approach during the [[Falklands War|1982 Falklands War]], when Bell started to concentrate on two central characters: Royal Navy seaman Kipling and the Penguin he befriends.

==Caricatures==
Many of the political and other public figures who are lampooned gain [[in-joke]] characteristics, which often build into plot strands of their own. Examples include:

===Prime ministers===
* [[Margaret Thatcher]], depicted with a mad, staring eye, a pointed nose, wide neck, big hair and generally masculine features.
* [[John Major]], who began appearing with [[underpants]] on the outside of the trousers of his suit, when it was claimed that he tucked his [[shirt]] into them. Bell referred to this as "the badge of an essentially crap [[Superman]]". (This report was false, having been made up by [[Alastair Campbell]] during his late days on the ''[[Daily Mirror]]''[https://web.archive.org/web/20050405062605/http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?xml=/opinion/2005/02/13/do1310.xml]. Nevertheless, it fitted popular perceptions of Major's naive suburban incompetence so well that many people today still believe it to be true.)
*[[Tony Blair]], depicted with the same mad, staring eye as Margaret Thatcher and a very pointed head which, along with his ears, can be used to make any object (speed cameras, pylons, giant eye, poodle) represent him, playing upon his increasingly [[authoritarian]] image.
*[[Gordon Brown]], depicted as a grumpy ruthless [[Scottish people|Scot]] and can be used to make any object (bear, snail, lion, Stalin) to represent him.
* [[David Cameron]], initially portrayed as a jellyfish, later as a tumescent pink condom.<ref>{{cite news|url=https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2010/oct/09/simon-hoggart-diary|title=What David Cameron said to Steve Bell|date=8 October 2010|access-date=8 July 2017|newspaper=The Guardian |last1=Hoggart |first1=Simon }}</ref>

===Leaders of the opposition===
* [[Neil Kinnock]], portrayed as a bald man in a suit spouting an endless stream of incoherent waffle.
* [[William Hague]], portrayed as a squat figure (sometimes a schoolboy) with a very bulbous head like a light bulb or the [[The Mekon|Mekon]].
* [[Iain Duncan Smith]], portrayed as a blank-faced [[zombie]].
* [[Michael Howard]], portrayed as a [[vampire]] owing to comments about his apparent sinister personality by [[Conservative Party (UK)|Tory]] [[Member of Parliament (United Kingdom)|Member of Parliament]] (MP) [[Ann Widdecombe]] and his ancestors being from [[Romania]].
* [[Ed Miliband]], portrayed as a badger or panda owing to the white streak in his hair.
* [[Jeremy Corbyn]], portrayed as [[Obi-Wan Kenobi]] from the ''[[Star Wars]]'' film series.<ref>{{cite news|url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/picture/2015/sep/29/steve-bells-if-labours-obi-wan-kenobi-corbyn-gives-a-dire-warning|title=Steve Bell's If ... Labour's Obi-Wan Kenobi Corbyn gives a dire warning|first=Steve|last=Bell|date=29 September 2015|access-date=8 July 2017|newspaper=The Guardian}}</ref>

===Other political figures===

*[[Donald Trump]], portrayed as entirely orange, aside from his eyes, with tiny hands and a toilet seat and lid instead of a hairstyle.
*[[Ronald Reagan]], whose persona mutated from a bumbling, heavily stage-managed actor into a [[senile]] yet dangerous [[robot]] with a missile like pointed head, including being deployed in space as a component of the [[Strategic Defense Initiative]].
*[[George W. Bush]] as a [[Common chimpanzee|chimpanzee]], ignorant of events around him. Inspired by the film ''[[Bedtime for Bonzo]]'', in which [[Ronald Reagan]] appeared with a chimp, Bell greeted Bush's election with a cartoon entitled "Bigtime for Bonzo", depicting Bush as Reagan's chimp. In war themed cartoons, the Bush-chimp sometimes appears dressed as [[Darth Vader]], complete with banana-shaped lightsabre. After the 2006 mid-term elections he was occasionally depicted as a duck with a broken leg and a crutch - an obvious reference to his second-term status as a 'lame duck president'.
* [[Michael Heseltine]] as [[Tarzan]] with a loincloth on, sometimes over his suit, due to an incident in the House of Commons when he picked up and brandished the Mace (symbol of the authority of the monarch in parliament). Subsequently [[Michael Heseltine]] was portrayed as Mad Mike, a reference to [[Mad Mike Hoare]] the notorious British Mercenary who operated in Africa. This was when [[Michael Heseltine]] was appointed by [[Margaret Thatcher]] as UK Minister of Defence and on one occasion dressed in an army camouflage parka for an inspection of a Cruise Missile Base following the police and military eviction of an encampment of anti-nuclear protesters.
* [[John Prescott]], as a dog called Market who Blair has had neutered, a reference to Blair's control over the left of the Labour Party.  More recently portrayed as [[Yoda]].
* [[George Osborne]], as a pig with a 'cute, curly tail' which voters seemingly like and, more recently, in a [[gimp suit]].  Has also been portrayed as [[Darth Vader]] (though called 'Lord Bumnose').
* Labour politicians [[Tom Watson (Labour politician)|Tom Watson]], [[Hilary Benn]], [[John McDonnell]], [[Ken Livingstone]] and [[Sadiq Khan]] have all been portrayed as characters from the [[Star Wars]] film series.
* [[Rebekah Brooks]], portrayed as [[Medusa]].

==Recurring characters==
There are also numerous characters who come and go over time. These characters often have an exaggerated nonsensicality, fitting Bell's style - most obviously their politics, which are sometimes portrayed as hopelessly [[idealism|idealist]]. They include:
* '''Reginald Kipling''', an [[everyman]] figure who served in the [[Falklands War]]. Kipling left the [[Royal Navy|Navy]] on his return to Britain after the war, and spends much of the strip destitute or on the short end of some satirical device, such as being trained to be a [[High Court of Justice|High Court]] [[judge]] under a Government unemployment scheme. Reg is a committed socialist, and during the late 1980s, having finally having had his fill of Thatcher's Britain he defected to the [[Soviet Bloc]]. Bell made the point of depicting Reg as being much happier there, including starting a family with Geronya Baikal, despite the lower standard of living and human rights.
* '''The Penguin''', who stowed away with Reg's return to the UK from the Falklands. At first, The Penguin mostly served as a vehicle to comment upon the absurdity of human affairs (e.g. ''"All I care about is fish, matey"'') and as a sounding board for Reg, but became increasingly politicised. Bell often uses the metaphor of [[obesity]] for wealth, and frequently The Penguin becomes overweight and highly materialistic; for example, becoming a [[stockbroker]], running [[Privatisation|privatised]] [[prison]]s, or running a populist [[tabloid (newspaper format)|tabloid]] [[newspaper]] similar to [[Rupert Murdoch]]'s [[The Sun (United Kingdom)|The Sun]]. The Penguin is also embarrassed by his heritage, coming from a very reactionary family of penguins who live on the Falklands (his actual name is ''[[Prince Philip]] of Greece Penguin'') and who are highly bigoted against [[albatross]]es. Over the course of the strip the penguin has brought in his partner '''Gloria''' and fathered several children and grandchildren, including '''Prudence''' who, in a reference to [[mixed race]] children, had a lovechild with a [[rat]]. (The Penguin disapproved but later flippantly revealed he was himself half-albatross when drunk on rum). Occasionally the penguins live on the island of [[Rockall]], where they occasionally set up a socialist [[Commune (intentional community)|commune]].
* '''Chief Constable Gerald  "Badger" Courage''', a policeman of variable (but normally senior) rank and invariable corruption, and a face that looks like a bottom seen sideways.
* '''Harry Hardnose''', a permanently drunk [[right wing]] journalist.
* '''John the Monkey''', a [[cockney]] monkey who is highly street-smart and sharp-witted. John usually resides with the Penguins but is more of a free agent, tending to appear in roles The Penguin is unsuitable for, e.g. a [[benefit fraud]] investigator or tabloid plant amongst the Royal Family.  Initially appeared as a henchman of "Badger" Courage ("I don't take bribes! The monkey does!").<ref>{{cite web | url=http://www.belltoons.co.uk/bellworks/index.php/if/1982/0243_p028-MONKEY | publisher=www.belltoons.co.uk | title=Monkey | access-date=2011-12-14}}</ref>
* '''Monsieur l'Artiste''', a [[France|French]] artist who is apparently a [[caricature]] of Bell himself. He speaks with a strong [[French language|French]] accent, which Bell has used to introduce various spoof [[French language|French]] words, including "ouanquère" meaning "[[wanker]]".
* '''Wally the Whale''', enamoured of submarines.
* Numerous other animals including the original dinosaurs, turkeys, [[panda]]s, [[camel]]s, [[rat]]s, [[Mole (animal)|mole]]s, [[sheep]] and [[cat]]s, depending upon the strip's plot requirements. The camels are used for strips based in the [[Middle East]], the ([[radioactive]]) moles and two-headed sheep for strips outside [[Sellafield]], the pandas as misunderstood [[immigration|immigrants]], and so on. The cats began with a long plot thread starring [[Bill Clinton]]'s cat [[Socks (cat)|Socks]] and occasionally return as 'fat cat' businessmen. In strips depicting Islamic terrorists and fundamentalists, they are often represented as goats.

== References ==
{{reflist}}

==External links==
* [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/series/if ''If...''] on the ''Guardian''’s "[[guardian.co.uk|Comment is free]]" site (the red-and-grey bar below the cartoon is a scroll bar allowing access to a few older cartoons)
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20060503081020/http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/stevebell/thestoryofif.html ''The history of If...'']
* Book: [https://web.archive.org/web/20020819235648/http://www.methuen.co.uk/iffiles.html ''The If... Files'']
* [http://politics.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,4159546-108042,00.html ''If...'' screensavers] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20060615184046/http://politics.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,4159546-108042,00.html |date=2006-06-15 }}

{{Margaret Thatcher}}
{{Tony Blair}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:If... (Comic)}}
[[Category:The Guardian]]
[[Category:Comics about politics]]
[[Category:British political satire]]
[[Category:Political satire comics]]
[[Category:British comic strips]]
[[Category:Gag cartoon comics]]
[[Category:Gag-a-day comics]]
[[Category:Comic strips based on real people]]
[[Category:Comics about anthropomorphic penguins]]
[[Category:Comics about talking animals]]
[[Category:Comics set in Argentina]]
[[Category:Comics set in the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Comics set in the United States]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of Margaret Thatcher]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of John Major]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of Tony Blair]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of Gordon Brown]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of David Cameron]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of Ronald Reagan]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of George H. W. Bush]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of George W. Bush]]
[[Category:1981 comics debuts]]
[[Category:2021 comics endings]]
[[Category:Works originally published in The Guardian]]