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{{Short description|Sex-advice column by Dan Savage}}
{{for multi|the book by the same author|Savage Love (book)|other uses|Savage Love (disambiguation)}}
{{Use mdy dates|date=February 2017}}
[[File:Dan Savage Provided.jpg|thumb|right|[[Dan Savage]] (2005)]]
'''Savage Love''' is a syndicated sex-[[advice column]] by [[Dan Savage]]. The column appears weekly in several dozen newspapers, mainly free newspapers in the US and Canada, but also newspapers in Europe and Asia. It started in 1991 with the first issue of the [[Seattle, Washington|Seattle]] weekly newspaper ''[[The Stranger (newspaper)|The Stranger]]''.

Since October 2006, Savage has also recorded the ''[[Savage Lovecast]]'', a weekly [[podcast]] version of the column, featuring telephone advice sessions.<ref>{{Cite news |last=Raptopoulos |first=Lilah |date=2014-07-02 |title=Listen to This: Savage Lovecast with Dan Savage |language=en-GB |work=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2014/jul/02/listen-to-this-savage-lovecast-dan-savage |access-date=2023-10-21 |issn=0261-3077}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |last=Strimpel |first=Zoe |date=2023-01-31 |title=Still fabulous: Savage Love podcast reviewed |url=https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/still-fabulous-savage-love-podcast-reviewed/ |access-date=2023-10-21 |website=The Spectator |language=en-US}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |title='The Savage Lovecast' provides refreshing take on sex and relationships |url=https://www.tuftsdaily.com/article/2015/10/the-savage-lovecast-provides-refreshing-take-on-sex-and-relationships |access-date=2023-10-21 |website=The Tufts Daily |language=en}}</ref> Podcasts are released every Tuesday.<ref>{{cite web |url=http://podcasts.thestranger.com/savagelove/archives.php#a029910 |title=Dan Savage |publisher=Podcasts.thestranger.com |access-date=March 19, 2011 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20101206090407/http://podcasts.thestranger.com/savagelove/archives.php#a029910 |archive-date=December 6, 2010 |df=mdy-all }}</ref>

== History ==
In 1991, Savage was living in [[Madison, Wisconsin]], and working as a manager at a local video store that specialized in independent film titles.<ref name="GLBTQ Bio">{{cite web|url=http://www.glbtq.com/literature/savage_d.html |title=GLBTQ Literature: Dan Savage |publisher=GLBTQ.com |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20110604104320/http://www.glbtq.com/literature/savage_d.html |archive-date=June 4, 2011 }}</ref> There, he befriended Tim Keck, co-founder of ''[[The Onion]]'', who announced that he was moving to [[Seattle]] to help start an alternative weekly newspaper titled ''[[The Stranger (newspaper)|The Stranger]]''.<ref name="GLBTQ Bio" /> Savage "made the offhand comment that forever altered [his] life: 'Make sure your paper has an advice column – everybody claims to hate 'em, but everybody seems to read 'em'."<ref>Dan Savage, Introduction, ''Savage Love: Straight Answers from America's Most Popular Sex Columnist'' (New York: Plume, 1998), p. 2.</ref> He typed up a sample column, and to his surprise Keck offered him the job.<ref name=AV-club>[http://www.avclub.com/content/node/45150 Dan Savage interviewed by Tasha Robinson], ''The A.V. Club'', February 8, 2006.</ref><ref>Dan Savage, Introduction, ''Savage Love: Straight Answers from America's Most Popular Sex Columnist'', op. cit., pp. 1–5.</ref>

Until 1999, the format of the conversation began with an advice seeker saying, "Hey [[faggot]]", then asking their question.<ref name="Accomazzo 2013">{{cite web |last1=Accomazzo |first1=David |title=The Evolution of Dan Savage |url=https://www.tucsonweekly.com/tucson/the-evolution-of-dan-savage/Content?oid=3831679 |website=Tucson Weekly |language=en |date=13 July 2013}}</ref> Savage's intent was [[reappropriation]] of the word into a positive description for gay guys.<ref name="Accomazzo 2013"/> Using this word worked when the readers were LGBT, but as the column grew popular, Savage changed to a generic greeting to better match the expectations of the general public.<ref name="Accomazzo 2013"/>

Since 2002, he has written the column at [[Eppie Lederer]]'s desk, which he, a "lifelong fan" of her [[Ann Landers]] column, bought at auction after the noted advice columnist died.<ref name="savage desk">{{cite news |url=http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=12738 |title=Ann Advises On |date=December 5, 2002 |first=Dan |last=Savage |newspaper=[[The Stranger (newspaper)|The Stranger]] |access-date=September 20, 2008}}</ref>

Savage stated in a February 2006 interview in ''The Onion''{{'}}s ''[[The A.V. Club|A.V. Club]]'' (which publishes his column) that he began the column with the express purpose of providing mocking advice to heterosexuals, since most straight advice columnists were "clueless" when responding to letters from gay people.<ref name=AV-club />

== Language ==
During the run of Savage Love, Savage has popularized several [[neologism]]s and [[initialism]]s. He has also debunked several sexual neologisms for sex acts, including the "[[donkey punch]]", the "[[Dirty Sanchez (sexual act)|Dirty Sanchez]]", the "[[Pirate (sexual slang)|pirate]]", and the "[[Hot Karl (slang)|hot Karl]]", concluding "they're all fictions."<ref name="savage2004">{{cite news |title=No Shit? |author=Dan Savage |url=http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=20179&mode=print |newspaper=[[The Stranger (newspaper)|The Stranger]] |date=December 23–29, 2004 |access-date=February 16, 2012}}</ref> He has objected to use of the term "[[pussy]]" as an insult, saying that vaginas were wonderful, "popping out babies", and proposed "[[scrotum]]" (pl. "scrota") as an insult.

Savage has also tried to [[Reclaimed word|reclaim]] many offensive words. For the first six years of the column, he had his readers address him with "Hey, [[Faggot (slang)|faggot]]", as a comment on previous efforts to reclaim offensive words. He was criticized for this by some gay activists. After receiving criticism for use of the word "[[Retard (pejorative)|retarded]]"—considered by many to be an offensive slur against those with [[Intellectual disability|intellectual disabilities]]—Savage suggested "leotarded" as an alternative, because "[[leotard]]" rhymes with "retard".

=== Campsite rule ===
In any relationship, but particularly those with a large [[Age disparity in sexual relationships|difference of age]] or experience between the partners, the older or more experienced partner has the responsibility to leave the younger or less experienced partner in at least as good a state (emotionally and physically) as before the relationship. The "campsite rule" includes things like leaving the younger or less experienced partner with no [[Sexually transmitted disease|STDs]], no [[Unwanted pregnancy|unwanted pregnancies]], and not overburdening them with emotional and sexual baggage.<ref>{{cite news |last=Q |first=Dan |title=Savage Love Readers Talk About the Campsite Rule |newspaper=Scatmania |date=May 14, 2008 |url=http://www.scatmania.org/2008/05/14/campsite/ |access-date=December 11, 2013}}</ref>

==== Tea and sympathy rule ====
Shortly after a 2009 scandal in [[Portland, Oregon]], involving openly gay mayor [[Sam Adams (Oregon politician)|Sam Adams]] and Beau Breedlove, who had allegedly begun a sexual relationship with Adams almost immediately after turning 18, Savage created a companion rule to the "campsite rule", now known as the "tea and sympathy rule". The rule is a reference to a line in the [[Tea and Sympathy (play)|play of the same name]], in which a much older woman asks of a high-school-age boy, right before having sex with him: "Years from now, when you talk about this – and you will – be kind."<ref>[https://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/19/movies/19kerr.html?pagewanted=print Deborah Kerr, Actress Known for Genteel Grace and a Sexy Beach Kiss, Dies at 86] – ''The New York Times''</ref> Savage claimed in an article in ''[[The Portland Mercury]]'' that, while Adams followed the "campsite rule" – Breedlove did not claim that Adams had given him any diseases or caused him emotional trauma, and in fact still refers to Adams as a friend – Breedlove violated the "tea and sympathy" rule by making public statements that he knew could ruin Adams' career.<ref>[http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/the-tea-and-sympathy-rule/Content?oid=1089470 The Tea and Sympathy Rule] ''Portland Mercury''</ref>

=== CPOS ===
"Cheating [[Shit#Usage|piece of shit]]", said of a cheater, but usually reserved for one who is chronic or abusive/passive-aggressive about it.

=== DTMFA and ITMFA ===
Savage often uses the expression "dump the mother-fucker already" (DTMFA), at the close of a response, recommending that the writer immediately end an abusive or worthless relationship.

A reader of Savage Love suggested the initialisation ITMFA, a take on DTMFA, meaning "Impeach the Motherfucker Already!" The initialisation was coined in reference to the [[presidency of George W. Bush]] in 2006, but was reintroduced in 2017 in reaction to the [[First presidency of Donald Trump|presidency of Donald Trump]].<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2017/01/25/24822658/impeach-the-motherfucker-already|title=Impeach the Motherfucker Already!|work=The Stranger}}</ref> Starting in 2018 Savage, through his website, sold clothing with ITMFA on it.

=== GGG ===
{{See also|Safe, sane and consensual}}

Savage coined "GGG",<ref name="walczak">Ken Walczak, [http://www.good.is/posts/the-ggg-cocktail-a-non-vanilla-drink-inspired-by-dan-savage "The GGG Cocktail"], www.good.is, May 9, 2012 (accessed December 26, 2012) ("Dan is best known for two things: his advice that partners in any relationship strive to be Good, Giving, and Game (GGG) and ...").</ref><ref name="Salon1">{{cite web|url=http://www.salon.com/2012/09/12/science_proves_it_dan_savage_is_right/|title=Science proves it: Dan Savage is right|author=DebHerbenick|work=[[Salon (website)|Salon]]|date=September 12, 2012}}</ref> "good, giving, and game", and it means one should strive to be ''good'' in bed, ''giving'' "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and ''game'' "for anything – within reason".<ref name="Salon1" /><ref>Dan Savage, [http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=167448 Wrong & Right], ''The Stranger'' March 1, 2007 (accessed December 26, 2012).</ref> The term inspired the "How GGG Are You? Test" on dating site [[OkCupid]], and the invention of a [[cocktail]].<ref name="walczak" />

=== HTH ===
"How'd that happen?", a mock-incredulous reply to those who write in and say they had certain (often sexual) things "happen to" them, as if they had no part or say in the incident, when they clearly did.

=== Lifting luggage ===
{{anchor|Lifing Luggage|reason=Old, over-capitalized heading name, may be linked to.}}
Following the [[George Rekers#"Rent boy" allegations|"rent boy" allegations]] regarding [[George Rekers]], who has widely promoted [[aversion therapy]], Dan Savage, along with others including [[Stephen Colbert]],<ref>"Colbert Rips Anti-Gay Activist, Throws 'Rentboy' Dance Party" {{cite news|url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/06/colbert-rips-anti-gay-act_n_565763.html| title =Colbert Rips Anti-Gay Activist, Throws 'Rentboy' Dance Party |work=The Huffington Post | first=Dan| last=Abramson| date=May 6, 2010 |access-date=June 12, 2013}}</ref> promoted the use of the idiom "to lift [some]one's luggage", meaning to supply sexual pleasure to, or derive it from, one's partner. This originated from Rekers who, when outed, insisted he had hired the escort only to assist him with lifting his luggage.<ref name="timesonline">{{cite news| url=http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article7117037.ece | archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20100506031447/http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article7117037.ece | url-status=dead | archive-date=May 6, 2010 | location=London | work=The Times | first1=Giles | last1=Whittell |title=Baptist minister 'took ten-day holiday with male prostitute' |date=May 6, 2010}}</ref> Rekers also claimed he "spent a great deal of time sharing scientific information on the desirability of abandoning homosexual intercourse" and "shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with him in great detail".<ref name="timesonline" />

Originally Savage suggested that "lifting my luggage" refer to listening to the speaker expound on the "desirability" of converting oneself from homosexual to heterosexual. Later, after several political humorists started employing "lifting your luggage" as an implicit or explicit reference to various sexual acts,<ref>"'Lift My Luggage' Is the New 'Hiking the Appalachian Trail'" by Daniel Kurtzman {{cite web|url=http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2010/05/06/lift-my-luggage-is-the-new-hiking-the-appalachian-trail.htm|title=About.com --Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog|access-date=October 21, 2010|archive-date=December 3, 2010|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20101203211951/http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2010/05/06/lift-my-luggage-is-the-new-hiking-the-appalachian-trail.htm|url-status=dead}}</ref> Savage suggested that "whatever lifts your luggage" supplant "[[Wikt:whatever floats your boat|whatever floats your boat]]" in common parlance.

=== Monogamish ===
In a July 20, 2011 column, Savage coined the term "monogamish", applying it to his own relationship with his partner. The term describes couples who are "mostly" but not 100% monogamous; such couples have an understanding that allows for some amount of sexual activity outside the relationship.<ref name=monogamish>{{cite web |url=http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=9125045 |title=Savage Love: Monogamish |last=Savage |first=Dan |date= July 20, 2011 |work=The Stranger |access-date=January 8, 2015}}</ref> Savage believes that, of all the couples that people think are 100% monogamous, a lot of them are more "monogamish" than people realize. The term has since seen mainstream use.<ref>{{cite magazine |url=https://time.com/2998792/satisfaction-monogamish-infidelity-married/ |title=Are You 'Monogamish'? A New Survey Says Lots of Couples Are |last=Luscombe |first=Belinda |date= July 17, 2014 |magazine=[[Time (magazine)|Time]] |access-date=January 8, 2015}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazine/infidelity-will-keep-us-together.html |title=Married, with Infidelities |last=Oppenheimer |first=Mark |date= June 3, 2011 |newspaper=The New York Times |access-date=January 8, 2015}}</ref>

=== Pegging ===
{{Main|Pegging (sexual practice)}}
In 2001, Savage challenged readers of his column to coin a name for the sex act in which a woman uses a strap-on [[dildo]] to perform [[anal sex]] on her male partner. After multiple nominations and a reader vote, the verb "[[pegging (sexual practice)|peg]]", popularized by the sex education movie [[Bend Over Boyfriend]] released in 1998,<ref>{{cite book |last1=Beckett |first1=Cooper S. |last2=Miller |first2=Lyndzi |title=The Pegging Book: A Complete Guide to Anal Sex with a Strap-On Dildo |date=14 October 2022 |publisher=Thorntree Press LLC. |isbn=978-1-952125-22-5 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=3HZ5EAAAQBAJ |access-date=17 September 2023}}</ref> was chosen, with a 43% [[Plurality (voting)|plurality]] over runners-up "bob" and "punt".<ref>Dan Savage, [http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=7730 We Have a Winner!]. ''The Stranger'', June 21, 2001. Accessed April 7, 2013.<!--See talk page for any thoughts.--></ref>

=== Saddlebacking ===
{{See also|Virginity#Definitions of virginity loss}}

In 2009, after a controversy involving the [[Saddleback Church]], the column defined "saddlebacking" as "the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities".<ref>{{cite web archived|url=http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1031968|title=Savage Love|work=The Stranger}}</ref> The term is a play on the word "[[barebacking]]", referring to sexual intercourse, especially anal sex between men, with no condom ("bare").

=== Santorum ===
{{Main|Campaign for the neologism "santorum"|Rick Santorum's views on homosexuality}}
Savage reacted strongly to statements made about homosexuality by former [[United States Senate|United States Senator]] [[Rick Santorum]] in an April 2003 interview with the [[Associated Press]].<ref name=USATodayApril232003>{{cite news |url=https://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2003-04-23-santorum-excerpt_x.htm |title=Excerpt from Santorum interview |newspaper=USA Today |issn=0734-7456 |date=April 23, 2003}}</ref> Santorum included gay sex as a form of deviant sexual behavior, along with [[incest]], [[polygamy]], and [[bestiality]], that he said threatens society and the family; he said that he believed consenting adults do not have a [[United States Constitution|constitutional]] [[right to privacy]] with respect to sexual acts.<ref>[https://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2003-04-23-santorum-excerpt_x.htm Excerpt from Santorum in an interview]: "...if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to [[bigamy]], ... [y]ou have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does.", ''[[USA Today]]'', April 23, 2003</ref> Savage invited his readers to create a sex-related definition for "santorum" to "memorialize the Santorum scandal [...] by attaching his name to a sex act that would make his big, white teeth fall out of his big, empty head."<ref>Savage, Dan. [http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14267 "Bill, Ashton, Rick"], ''The Stranger'', May 15, 2003.</ref> The winning definition was "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."<ref>Savage, Dan. [http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14566 "Gas Huffer"], ''The Stranger'', June 12, 2003.</ref> Savage set up a website to spread the term, inviting bloggers and others to link to it, which caused it to rise to the top of a Google search for Santorum's name.<ref>Mencimer, Stephanie. [http://motherjones.com/politics/2010/08/rick-santorum-google-problem-dan-savage "Rick Santorum's Anal Sex Problem"], ''Mother Jones'', September/October 2010.</ref>

=== Tolyamory ===
A tolyamorous person is someone in a monogamous relationship who knows that their partner occasionally has sex with somebody else, and is willing to put up with it and turn a blind eye. The word is similar to [[polyamory]], and is a portmanteau of the Latin words "tolerare" (to tolerate, to bear) and "amor" (love). Savage introduced this neologism on episode 900 of ''[[Savage Lovecast]]'' in January 2024.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Instagram |url=https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2gGeDZv3B5/ |access-date=2024-01-26 |website=www.instagram.com}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |title=Toly, Tolyamory, Tolyamorous - All Things Toly! - Dan Savage |url=https://savage.love/savagelove/2024/01/25/struggle-session-toly-tolyamory-tolyamorous-all-things-toly-and-maybe-a-couple-of-other-things-too/ |access-date=2024-01-29 |website=savage.love}}</ref>

== References ==
{{Reflist|30em}}

== External links ==
* [https://www.thestranger.com/collections/74797053/savage-love Savage Love] at ''[[The Stranger (newspaper)|The Stranger]]''
* [http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/ Spreading Santorum]
* [https://domsubliving.com/ Relationship Training Courses]

{{Dan Savage}}
{{Sexual slang}}

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